yea.

So it's been a while. I last posted when I started school. I'm graduated now.
Sorry.

Q: "Why are you so quiet?"

After class one day a bunch of my classmates and I went to a dimly-lit bar beside our school. To be honest I felt slightly hypocritical being at a bar at 2:00pm when I don't generally go to bars to begin with. I felt completely out of place at first and I thought about that show I could be catching up on on Netflix, or that book laying on my side table waiting for me to be read that wonderful Friday afternoon, but as we continued to socialize and build friendships it was actually really enjoyable. I had some interesting conversations to say the least, and I got to become more acquainted with myself when originally I was expecting to get to know my classmates better instead. It would be completely impossible to restate what was all discussed over the loud clatters of glasses and chatters of laughing folks, but midway through a conversation it was noticed that I was being more of a listener than a talker. I was then (un)expectantly asked, "Why are you so quiet?"

This was definitely not the first time that I've been asked this question or had someone make a statement of it, but before that I never really had a good answer for that. I'd usually just shrug my shoulders and say, "I dunno," or I'd give my best performance and proclaim, "I'm not quiet!" (neither of these responses seemed to resonate well or explain my real reasoning behind my quiet demeanor).

If there are any other "quiet people" reading this, I'm sure you can understand where I am coming from. I think that one of the biggest misconceptions is that being quiet and being shy are the same things when it really isn't. I don't mind being in front of a large crowd performing or speaking or whatever it is that I'm doing, and I'm not afraid of talking to people that I'm not so familiar with, so if I'm not shy then why am I quiet? I tried explaining this to a handful of my classmates that afternoon at the bar. If I'm not saying anything it's probably one of two reasons:

1. I don't have anything important to say on the current subject (quality above quantity?),
2. I don't think it's necessary for everyone to know my every thought if it's not inquired.

This is probably the part where anyone reading this assumes that I'm on some antisocial high horse and I enjoy scowling down at people who love talking about themselves. Alas, that is not the case. If there is anything out of this whole post that I want you to remember about me, this would be it:

"Just because I don't talk about it, it doesn't mean it's nonexistent. If you want to know something about me, you have to ask me about it directly. I tend to be this way and whether it's good or not, I don't really know how to change it. However, please remember that it doesn't mean I don't want to talk to you or talk about certain things because I'm sure I'd love to! That's just the way I function I guess."

- Actual quote from me cuddled in bed with my laptop.

So.... I hope that cleared up the air a bit. 

Did you know that some of the quietest people have the wildest minds? Just putting that out there.

A poem by Elisabeth Hewer

I mapped the stars out for you
all the different ways they spun.
Then I traced the sun and lined
its path across the sky.
The part that sucks?
I was the one moving the whole time.
Sun and stars are fixed points,
as it turns out.
This is the best way I can figure out
to tell you that I’m trying to regulate you
in my head. Trying to work out
all the ways you tick.
The truth is you’re another fixed point;
I’m spinning at 1038 miles per hour
and I’ve forgotten how to stop.
This isn’t a metaphor for drunkenness (it definitely could be).
A good friend told me that this is a positive.
You’re just the backdrop and I’m
my main event. Sadly misinformed.
I need you the same way Earth needs the Sun.
Unfortunately you need me exactly as much
as the Sun needs the Earth.

— elisabeth hewer

The beginning of school.

My original intent was to blog while attending college, but after only two days of classes I'm starting to question whether I will even have enough time to sleep or eat.

Massage school isn't what I thought it would be, however that doesn't mean I don't love it with every fiber in me! As of right now, I adore it and I'm so excited to be in this program. Not only are we learning how to give massages and the right techniques used for it, but we are also learning absolutely everything about the body! It's only been two days into the two year program but it is already so overwhelming and intense.

I have a class on ethics and professionalism, and as of right now I am looking forward to this one the most. In this class we will be taught how to become aware of our thoughts and actions, why and how to make ethical decisions, as well as learning how that all coincides with our integrity. In case it wasn't obvious, I really enjoy studying the mind and the way people function in certain situations. (Between you and I, I enjoy meeting people primarily because I like to see their quirks and personalities while I try to figure them out.) Over the past year and a bit, I read countless articles and theories on self-improvement and how to view the world in a different (and hopefully better) point of view. I'm confident enough to say that the way I view the world now is so much better than before, and I can't wait for this course to further feed my insight and knowledge.

As much as I'd like to continue writing, I'm not sure how much time I will have to do that. Truth be told, I write elsewhere more often than I post on this blog because I also write a lot of personal entries, poems, etc. I don't know if I have the guts to spill my guts (get it?) but I will still post as much as I can...

The world's first "Vertical Forest".

Whilst aimlessly scrolling through a social media website it isn't often that I stumble upon something that really catches my attention. When I read an interesting tidbit of an article about a vertical forest, it intrigued me so much so that it has been on my mind quite often. I couldn't keep it to myself, so I present to you Bosco Verticale: the world's first vertical forest expected to be completed by this year!

The Bosco Verticale is being built in Milan, Italy by architect Stefano Boeri with the hopes of making a change in the ever-increasing pollution in the environment, and at the same time providing an innovative alternative to insulating the 400-something residential units between the two towers. There are a couple interesting articles about the Bosco Verticale here, here, and here, but if you don't want to read them you can look at a few key points I've highlighted below:

• The first example of a Bosco Verticale composed of two residential towers of 110 and 76 meters height [*]   
• The facade of the buildings will be covered with 730 trees, 5,000 shrubs, and 11,000 perennial plants. [*]
•  It is expected to have the same ecological impact as 10,000 square meters of forest. [*]
  
•  The diversity of the plants and their characteristics produce humidity, absorb CO2 and dust particles, producing oxygen and protect the building from radiation and acoustic pollution. [*]
•  Each apartment in the building will have a balcony planted with trees [*]

There is also a video about the location which I will share. (The good stuff comes at about a minute into the video, just to let you know.)

Fascinating, isn't it? It makes me excited to see how amazing the world is going to be in a decade's time! It already has become a greater place to live in in some ways. There's always room for improvement though.

Endings lead to other beginnings.

As of right now, there are only two posts on my blog: this one, and the one I wrote when I first arrived in China. A lot has passed since then, and not just one year's time.

I'm glad that I wrote those things when I first got there, and now that I'm back in Canada I can really see the difference in myself over that year. There was something missing in my life before and I couldn't figure out what it was (to understand what I am referring to, I suggest you read that post first). It drove me crazy and made me want to jump out of my skin just to have the smallest sliver of knowledge about what that missing piece might have been. But I found it in China, and it changed my life; it changed who I am as a person, how I see things, and the way I observe and understand the people around me. Was it an array of events that somehow filled what was missing inside, or was it one moment? Was it being in a foreign city, or did I find it in the not-so-familiar parts of my mind? Was it because of a group of people, or one close friend? I can't tell you what it was that changed me because it's still not perfectly clear to me either. It's there and I found it, and one day it will resurface when I need it.

I also can't tell you what this missing piece exactly was. (I'm not giving a whole lot of information, I realize). Maybe that was my problem before. I was trying to believe that the missing piece was exactly something that I needed to find when in reality I had to find myself first. After I found myself - and living independently in China is what I have to thank for triggering that - the rest came on it's own.

It's all a bit "cliché", I know. But it's true. And the directionless force that seemed to nearly pull me back to China was almost a sign of fate, don't you think? Isn't it fate that makes a person experience a certain event, or come to terms with their hearts, or brings strangers together to meet? No matter what you believe in, things in life are meant to happen and they will happen as long as you keep an open mind and follow your heart.

I think I've written enough fluff for this post now.

Getting used to China.

I didn't know exactly what I was expecting, but I know one thing for certain: this is not what I expected. I guess that's what happens when you live with an exaggerated imagination like the one I have. It's not so much that I'm disappointed - nor am I actually relieved - but if I had to describe what this feeling is, I would say that it's curiosity. What else could it be?

Life in China is hard to explain. It's simple, yet it's exhausting. I wish the air was a little less polluted and a little less humid, and maybe if the streets were a little cleaner this would feel just like home. Even so, every moment I spend here I feel less and less attached to the town I once called home. Could it be that I'm no longer attached to it, or is it that my likeness for China seems to grow more every day?

I seem to fall into a comfortable routine now. Every morning, I wake up early - earlier than my three roommates - to shower and get ready for school before they wake up and leave no time frame for me and my preparations. However, I think I wake up too early because the hot water tank doesn't seem to turn on until after 7am or so. After a frigid, cold shower, I gather my books and homework, maybe do some studying, or maybe some socializing with friends, and then I head to class. I have two different classes everyday: One class is for pronunciation, then a different teacher comes in and teaches our writing class. Learning Chinese is definitely a challenge, but more importantly I think it's mostly about memorization (which comes with repetition). We only have afternoon classes on Wednesday, so every other afternoon I usually spend studying Chinese, or spending time with my friends.

I've gone on some adventures too, and that seems really promising considering I've only been in this country for a week and two days! However, something is missing still. Maybe it's just something simple, as if I just need to accustom myself here completely then I won't feel that empty piece anymore. That has to happen after all, right?