Q: "Why are you so quiet?"

After class one day a bunch of my classmates and I went to a dimly-lit bar beside our school. To be honest I felt slightly hypocritical being at a bar at 2:00pm when I don't generally go to bars to begin with. I felt completely out of place at first and I thought about that show I could be catching up on on Netflix, or that book laying on my side table waiting for me to be read that wonderful Friday afternoon, but as we continued to socialize and build friendships it was actually really enjoyable. I had some interesting conversations to say the least, and I got to become more acquainted with myself when originally I was expecting to get to know my classmates better instead. It would be completely impossible to restate what was all discussed over the loud clatters of glasses and chatters of laughing folks, but midway through a conversation it was noticed that I was being more of a listener than a talker. I was then (un)expectantly asked, "Why are you so quiet?"

This was definitely not the first time that I've been asked this question or had someone make a statement of it, but before that I never really had a good answer for that. I'd usually just shrug my shoulders and say, "I dunno," or I'd give my best performance and proclaim, "I'm not quiet!" (neither of these responses seemed to resonate well or explain my real reasoning behind my quiet demeanor).

If there are any other "quiet people" reading this, I'm sure you can understand where I am coming from. I think that one of the biggest misconceptions is that being quiet and being shy are the same things when it really isn't. I don't mind being in front of a large crowd performing or speaking or whatever it is that I'm doing, and I'm not afraid of talking to people that I'm not so familiar with, so if I'm not shy then why am I quiet? I tried explaining this to a handful of my classmates that afternoon at the bar. If I'm not saying anything it's probably one of two reasons:

1. I don't have anything important to say on the current subject (quality above quantity?),
2. I don't think it's necessary for everyone to know my every thought if it's not inquired.

This is probably the part where anyone reading this assumes that I'm on some antisocial high horse and I enjoy scowling down at people who love talking about themselves. Alas, that is not the case. If there is anything out of this whole post that I want you to remember about me, this would be it:

"Just because I don't talk about it, it doesn't mean it's nonexistent. If you want to know something about me, you have to ask me about it directly. I tend to be this way and whether it's good or not, I don't really know how to change it. However, please remember that it doesn't mean I don't want to talk to you or talk about certain things because I'm sure I'd love to! That's just the way I function I guess."

- Actual quote from me cuddled in bed with my laptop.

So.... I hope that cleared up the air a bit. 

Did you know that some of the quietest people have the wildest minds? Just putting that out there.

A poem by Elisabeth Hewer

I mapped the stars out for you
all the different ways they spun.
Then I traced the sun and lined
its path across the sky.
The part that sucks?
I was the one moving the whole time.
Sun and stars are fixed points,
as it turns out.
This is the best way I can figure out
to tell you that I’m trying to regulate you
in my head. Trying to work out
all the ways you tick.
The truth is you’re another fixed point;
I’m spinning at 1038 miles per hour
and I’ve forgotten how to stop.
This isn’t a metaphor for drunkenness (it definitely could be).
A good friend told me that this is a positive.
You’re just the backdrop and I’m
my main event. Sadly misinformed.
I need you the same way Earth needs the Sun.
Unfortunately you need me exactly as much
as the Sun needs the Earth.

— elisabeth hewer

The beginning of school.

My original intent was to blog while attending college, but after only two days of classes I'm starting to question whether I will even have enough time to sleep or eat.

Massage school isn't what I thought it would be, however that doesn't mean I don't love it with every fiber in me! As of right now, I adore it and I'm so excited to be in this program. Not only are we learning how to give massages and the right techniques used for it, but we are also learning absolutely everything about the body! It's only been two days into the two year program but it is already so overwhelming and intense.

I have a class on ethics and professionalism, and as of right now I am looking forward to this one the most. In this class we will be taught how to become aware of our thoughts and actions, why and how to make ethical decisions, as well as learning how that all coincides with our integrity. In case it wasn't obvious, I really enjoy studying the mind and the way people function in certain situations. (Between you and I, I enjoy meeting people primarily because I like to see their quirks and personalities while I try to figure them out.) Over the past year and a bit, I read countless articles and theories on self-improvement and how to view the world in a different (and hopefully better) point of view. I'm confident enough to say that the way I view the world now is so much better than before, and I can't wait for this course to further feed my insight and knowledge.

As much as I'd like to continue writing, I'm not sure how much time I will have to do that. Truth be told, I write elsewhere more often than I post on this blog because I also write a lot of personal entries, poems, etc. I don't know if I have the guts to spill my guts (get it?) but I will still post as much as I can...